What Is Life? (And Are We All Just Overgrown Potatoes with Wi-Fi?)
Let’s start with the obvious: you’re alive. Congratulations! You’ve successfully managed to exist for at least long enough to read this sentence, which, statistically speaking, is more than can be said for the trillions of sperm that didn’t make it to the egg party. But what does it mean to be alive? Is it the way your coffee goes cold just as you remember it exists? The existential dread of realizing you’ll never use that gym membership? Or is it something deeper—like the fact that a single-celled organism has more common sense than most of humanity during Black Friday sales?
Science, in its infinite wisdom, defines life as something that grows, reproduces, responds to stimuli, and maintains homeostasis. In other words, life is what happens between your birth and the moment you realize you’ve been pronouncing ‘quinoa’ wrong your whole life. But let’s dig deeper. Plants are alive, yet they don’t panic about their carbon footprint. Bacteria are alive, yet they don’t stress over their LinkedIn profiles. Meanwhile, humans—blessed with self-awareness—spend their days wondering if they’re living their ‘best life’ while simultaneously Googling ‘how to fold a fitted sheet.’
Philosophers have spent millennia pondering life’s meaning, and the best answer they’ve come up with is, ‘It depends.’ Existentialists say we create our own meaning, which is both liberating and terrifying—like being handed a blank canvas and a box of crayons, only to realize you’re colorblind. Religions offer answers, but they’re about as universally agreed upon as pineapple on pizza. And science? Science just shrugs and says, ‘Here’s a brain scan. Good luck.’
So, what is life? It’s the absurdity of being a sentient meatbag hurtling through space on a rock, convinced that your cat’s judgmental stare is a moral failing on your part. It’s the quiet triumph of keeping a houseplant alive for more than a month. It’s the realization that, in the grand cosmic scheme, your biggest achievement might be remembering to floss.
In the end, life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans—or forgetting where you put your keys. So take a deep breath, enjoy the chaos, and remember: if nothing else, at least you’re not a potato. (Though, biologically speaking, the jury’s still out.)
